BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER!
Pester Bother Annoy Ask Professor Snape Questions
Dear Professor Snape,
My owl (Celestina) doesn't love me anymore. She goes every night in the girl's dorms. That's not because she is a female but she's totally in love with another Gryffindor. Her name is Rowan Dream. They look so amazing together and they have a lot of fun playing with each others, but I mean... I PAYED FOR THAT THING! Help me please!
- Getting my owl back
Mr. Owl,
Obviously the owl doesn't want you. Be a man and suck it up, perhaps a toad is better suited for you. Girls don't seem to like them as much.
- Snape
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Dear Snape,
I wonder why JP Jo is miss using her powers towards me, she always give me detention or takes away points and she even does so when I am not being the usual pain in the butt. I feel so miss–used, any comments?
- Miss-used
Misused,
First, spelling is important. Learn it. Second, well do you deserve to get detentions and points taken away? I think just because sometimes you are not a pain doesn't meant that other people don't see it that way. How about you just sit down, be quiet, do your work, and you won't get detentions or points taken? Oh, what am I saying?! You're obviously not being annoying enough. Work harder at being annoying, you never know, maybe you'll get detention less... *snorts*
- Snape
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Professor,
I recently came across a half-full bottle of Sleekeazy's Hair Potion. I have no use for the stuff of course. Upon inspecting the bottle I came across an interesting warning label: "Excess use can result in perpetually oily hair." Naturally I was reminded of you. Would you like the bottle back?
- No oil here
Oil,
Considering you used the rest, I think not. DETENTION.
- Snape
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Dear Snape,
I am lost and don’t know what to do anymore. I have this little stalker problem I can’t seem to get rid of. You see, for some reason has second year Eno Kule decided do follow me around all day. Apparently he is in love with me but I am not "into" him. I already said no several times but it just doesn’t get threw to him so how do I say no in a more firm way?
- Mini stalker
Mini Stalker,
Kick him in the balls.
- Snape
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Dear Snape,
Every time I get online I'm harassed by a creepy girl in green screaming *pouncestacklehugglesliekwhoa* , It scares the big bejesus out of me so I was wondering what should I do now?
- Random
(p.s. she is a Gryffindor)
Random,
There's truly no escape, but you can hide in detention.
- Snape
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Professor,
Love is in the air! Though not for you I suppose. In the spirit of Valentine's Day I should ask you to be my Valentine... but even I just can't bear to do so. So professor, how does it feel to never have a Valentine?
- Sorry for you... NOT!
Sorry,
I don't know, why don't YOU tell us what it feels like to never have a Valentine?
- Snape
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Dear Snape,
I have the lyrics for this musical, A Very Potter Musical stuck in my head. Any recommendations on how to get it out?
Signed,
Gotta Get back to Hogwarts
Moron,
My suggestion would be to get a life.
- Snape
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Dear Snape,
Which came first, the Phoenix or the egg?
Signed,
Confused
Confused,
The Phoenix, because it tastes better.
- Snape
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Dear Snape,
I have a deepest darkest secret in me that I dare not tell anyone else but you - I want to be the next Voldemort. Don’t laugh, it’s true! And while this thought thrills me, it scares me that people might assassinate me before I get to pursue my dreams. I heard that you have been on Voldemort’s side before, so I thought you could perhaps reveal some of his secrets to success? I’ll make you my future partner, don’t you worry.
- Voldemort The Second
Voldie the 2nd,
Why you want to be a dark maniac is beyond me. However, we can certainly go over ways to better your education in learning to be a dark mastermind (such as not publicly announcing your intention to be one) while you serve detention.
- Snape
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Dear Snape,
I am quite sure that I have abnormal acne problems. It’s been six years and I still have a large amount of acne on my face, just the same way it had been when I was a first year – it never fails to reproduce. Is there any potion that I could use to make my life not so miserable? Thank you so much.
- Face of Acne
Face of Acne,
Have you ever considered wearing a paper bag for life?
- Snape
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Dear Snape,
I wonder, what do you think of muggles? I myself think that they are fantastic! Have you heard about the computer? It is this box-like thing that can do infinite wonders - the list would be endless. And the television, you heard of it? You can see so many people and things in it; I wonder how they fit into such little space! I’m telling you, you really must learn more about Chemistry - so I’ve heard it’s their very interesting form of potions!
- Muggle Maniac
Muggle Maniac,
I am a wizard. Why would I care about mundane muggle things that take far too much effort when I can just wave a wand and be done with it? Perhaps you need to learn how to be a proper wizard all over again by serving a months worth of detentions. Actually, that is a great idea. For someone as flighty as your mind seems to be DETENTION.
- Snape
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Have a problem that you want to ask Snape? Simply email him at missabeechan@yahoo.com with the subject "Dear Snape" and your problem will be answered. * Please note: Do not send real problems, only fake ones. We here at Paw Print are in no way qualified to help with real life problems and are very sarcastic in our responses. Thank you.