BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER!
Pester Bother Annoy Ask Professor Snape Questions
Dear Snape,
Do you have any suggestions on how Gryffindor can win the house cup because for reasons unknown we are so behind. It might be the fact that I am a pain in the butt or so but hey I still want to know.
Thanks,
Dreamy
Dreamy,
Why would I want Gryffindor to win the cup? Completely ridiculous question. Detention for wasting my time.
- Snape
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Dear Snape,
Nargles exist don't they! I spent my entire Christmas break running screaming from all forms of mistletoe terrified that they would get me even after this really hot non-sparkly guy said he wanted to kiss me. But now my best friend says there is no such thing as Nargles. Please tell me she is wrong.
Signed,
Looking for Nargle Spray
Looking for...So Ridiculous,
Are you suffering from insanity or multiple forms of dementia? Oh, you're a Gryffindor, nevermind the answer is obviously yes. To ease your peon mind, or rather, to watch you cry, I would like to inform you that there are no such things as nargles, and real men don't sparkle.
- Snape
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Dear Snape,
How come we never see you smile? Surely there must be something out there that makes you happy.
- The Cheerful One
Cheerful One,
Giving you detention makes me cheerful, but not enough to make me smile. Take your cheerfulness and shove it.
- Snape
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Dear Snape,
HELP! It feels like every time I go outside I get caught up in the middle of some epic snow battle and I can never seem to escape with out becoming coated in snow. I'm writing this from under a snow laden branch in the courtyard as snowballs and snowboulders are flying through the air. Is there a way to avoid these things or even just something to get me out from under this tree and back to my dorm where I can be dry and warm?
Signed,
can't move, snowballs will get me
Snowball,
It's your own stupid fault for going outside in the snow in the first place. You want to avoid snow? Do everyone a favor and leave Hogwarts and move someplace where it doesn't snow.
- Snape
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Dear Snape,
So, everyone knows the supposed story of what made the Gryffindor Common Room explode, but we all know that's not the real story. Professor Snape, we know you are a very trusted Professor even though you're dead and in the "know" about certain things. Tell me, what really happened to the Gryffindor Common Room?
- After the Truth
After the Truth,
I'm not in your house, why should I care what happened to your common room? I just find it upsetting that it was fixed. I enjoyed not having to answer these things while it was down.
- Snape
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Dear Professor,
Uhm, this is kinda awkward...but there is this Professor I like. For all intents and purposes, let's call him...Professor Lawl. Well, Professor Lawl doesn't even know I exist. I'm sure he only thinks of me like some stupid, dirty rock. I don't know what to do. Help!
- In Love With Prof. Lawl.
In Love...
Someone save me from the immaturity and stupidity of teenagers. You want relationship advice for someone who probably doesn't even care that you ventured out from under your dirty rock in the first place and is likely twice your age. Why don't you try someone close to your own age, instead of someone who is probably quite out of your league.
- Snape
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Have a problem that you want to ask Snape? Simply email him at missabeechan@yahoo.com with the subject “Dear Snape” and your problem will be answered. * Please note: Do not send real problems, only fake ones. We here at Paw Print are in no way qualified to help with real life problems and are very sarcastic in our responses. Thank you.