Insanity 505
by Julie Garnet

Welcome Insanity 505, the gossip column where we pick the brains of 5 Paw Print staff members and try to get snarky/quirky/amusing responses to 5 random questions! 5 Paw Print writers working on 5 random questions... 5 writers on 5 questions... 5o5... Get it? Insanity 505? XD

Anyway, let's introduce this month's panel of writers! Joining us for the first ever round of questions (and basically being guinea pigs for this) are PP Mistress Zenix James, I-Do-Too-Much-Around-PP-to-Name Prof. Missa Matz, staff writers Barbara Phoenix and Zuvona Miska, and gossip writer Julie Garnet!

Now onwards to the smirks, giggles, and laughter! But remember, you're supposed to be laughing AT us, not WITH us! ...or was it the other way around? Oh whatever, just laugh!


Q1. What's the best way to read The Paw Print?

Julie: Without reading the e's. They don't exist.
Zenix: Heavily sedated.
Missa: Read? What's that? After 7 years of GQT all I know how to do now is glance and hope the answer is right.
Barbara: With Humfrey as pillow and Edward as footstool.
Zuvona: Hidden inside a textbook during History of Magic.

Q2. Name a quick way to make some cash before the next Hogsmeade visit.

Julie: Sell Zee's kidney. She only needs one, right?
Zenix: ...How'd you know about my kidney selling scheme? Uhm, chopping Barbara's blonde hair off and selling it for wigs. *nods*
Missa: Supply and demand. *whistles*
Barbara: *grumbles at Zee* No cutting my hair off, yo! I'd just kidnap Zia and Zenix, put them in the arena and sell tickets for the Z-wars.
Zuvona: Kidnap Edward and demand a ransom from Zee or Zia to be met before the next visit or threaten to send him back to Bella.

Q3. What's the cure for GQTitis?

Julie: Finger-transplant surgery. Actually, more like ten finger-transplant surgeries...
Zenix: A surplus of adult beverages, namely firewhiskey.
Missa: Going with Zee on this one, seeing as it's kept me from GQTitis this long.
Barbara: Introducing a 10-letter rule. No pain, highly efficient!
Zuvona: Cure?!? Could such a thing possible exist? Nope.

Q4. Aside from casting spells, what's the next best use for a wand?

Julie: Seeing how many times can you poke BaPo with it before she tries to kill you.
Zenix: Thwacking Ben Ackerman in the knee caps.
Missa: Breaking the pinata.
Barbara: Bake it along with pizza dough and feed it to Missa. And when the pizza explodes in her face you say Zenix is responsible.
Zuvona: To use as a baton to conduct the Fat Lady in the hopes of getting her to sing better.

Q5. Finish the following sentence: "Gryfftoberfest just isn't Gryfftoberfest if..."

Julie: ...anybody still remembers what it was like to be sober.
Zenix: ...the common room doesn't blow up at least... 14 TIMES... in a 15 minute period.
Missa: ...Missa doesn't get 3/4's of the butterbeer.
Barbara: ...there are no cookies in the shape of Ilona Litt - HUMFREY GET AWAY FROM MY KEYBOARD NAO!!!
Zuvona: ...Gryffindors don't become engorged from too much cheesecake and have to roll to class.