Dear Snape,

So, ever since I was little, I've never been able to blow a bubble with gum. Like, it's seriously impossible and everyone else can...I just can't do all that fancy stuff with my tongue! My brother could tie his shoes AND blow bubbles with gum AND WHISTLE when he was eight years old. All I could do was snore in my sleep. It's not fair! I want to blow bubbles. What do I do? Everyone thinks I'm so lame for not being able to blow bubbles.

HELP!
Bubble Challenged.

Bubble Challenged,
That is so far out of my field of expertise that there is nothing that I could say that would help you in the slightest. You can't blow bubbles? HAHAHAHAHA. Loser.
- Snape

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SNAPE, HELP!

Dood, kay, so, like, kay. Alright, I have this cat and she shall remain nameless (she has a name, but then you'll know who I am), but she did something horrible and I don't know what to do! Well, the other day, I was talking about cereal and I fed her a piece and she liked it, right? But...I think she ate Cyriel Aurorus because she thought Cy was CEREAL and now I can't find heeer, Cy, not my cat. I don't know what to do! What do they do to cats who eat Prefects? *bites her nails*

Sincerely,
Biggest Hairball Ever.

Biggest Hairball Ever,
Really, that does not sound plausible in the least. Using your cat as your alibi? Because I certainly don't even see what you wrote as even remotely something that could happen. Just turn yourself in now.
- Snape

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Dear Snape,
I have a question, is it possible to split yourself into, like...three people? Other than the waaay illegal way, no way. But, I have too much stuff to do and I need more of me. It'd be just like having triplets, or twins, or something, nothing that bad. Do you know of any potions?

<3
Time Challenged

Time Challenged,
Get a timeturner. I don't think the world can handle more than one without having to be admitted to various mental institutions.
- Snape

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Dear Snape,
So, there's this girl in most of my classes, she's a Hufflepuff. Anyway, that's beside the point, this girl has horrid hair, I mean, it's WORSE than yours if you can actually believe that. I don't know what to do about it, but it's so uber distracting during classes, it's like....THERE, STARING AT ME. I just want to take her head and shove it into a barrel of water and soap. Is it really that hard to wash your hair every now and then? It'll pay off when you are older! WASH YOUR HAIR, HUFFY.

Forever,
Hair-Obsessed

Hair-Obsessed,
I'm sure there are many, many things other people find atrocious about you, but don't feel the need to state it publicly. If it really bothers you that much, I can give you detention until you can get her to allow you to wash both of your hairs in the lake. Hopefully the Giant Squid won't eat you. Actually, hopefully it will.
- Snape

Have a problem that you want to ask Snape? Simply email him at missabeechan@yahoo.com with the subject “Dear Snape” and your problem will be answered. * Please note: Do not send real problems, only fake ones. We here at Paw Print are in no way qualified to help with real life problems and are very sarcastic in our responses. Thank you. Coz really, we NEED them.