BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER!
Pester Bother Annoy Ask Professor Snape Questions
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hello professor, I have a question, you see. I was the other day sitting under my favorite tree and suddenly my hand started talking to me!!!... what im suposse to do?? should i anwser it?, it has a really annoying it voice. please anwser ASAP!!
the crazy with the annoying hand
The Crazy,
Well. Given your penmanship and lack of proper grammar and punctuation, most likely it was your hand demanding that it be allowed to be in possession of a more competent body and intellect. I would say to listen to your hand and take any attempts it gives you to bettering yourself as an individual to heart. Since obviously, you need all the help you can get.
- Snape
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Dear professor Snapple,
I don't know what to do! I have two great guys in my life, who really care about me, but I don't feel the same way about one of them, as I do for the other. I mean, Zach is an awesome guy and sweet, but I prefer Cucumbers. A cucumber really knows how to treat a woman right. Deep down, I know he's a not bad vegetable, which is another reason I love him. Bah! What do I do? Please help me boy problem professor. Snapple. Do I stick with Zach or stay with the wonderful cucumber, the love of my life.
Fell in love with a cucumber
Cucumber Person,
You have serious mental issues. Please seek help from St. Mungo's, IMMEDIATELY. And I am not Snapple, so detention once you get back.
- Snape
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Dear Professor Snape,
I don't know what do to do anymore! I've tried everything from being nice to being mean, to talking to him, to helping him get close to Ilona. Humfrey still doesn't know I'm alive. Here, I sit everyday staring out of the window looking for him. When I walk down to the cafeteria, all that's on my mind in Humfrey. When I go to the bath- Yea, all that's on my mind is Humfry. Please help me, I want Humfrey to love me too not Ilona, just me! JUST ME! What do I do?
Ms. Humfrey Bogart
Dear Miss Zenix James,
No, don't try to deny it, everyone knows that it is you. Have you ever heard the saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it?" Face the facts. He will never feel about you as he does Ilona. Don't feel bad about it. After all, who would want a poltergeist? Though, I guess, if you are truly desperate, get better at potions. There may be some that can help you. Though they only work on the living, so I suggest you go that direction. Loser.
- Snape
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Dear Professor Snape,
Late at night when I go to bed, I lay down and close my eye, but I hear this whistling noise and I have to idea where it's coming from. I've searched high and low and still nothing. Do you have and epiphanies on where this whistling sound is coming from? And it's really annoying COZ I CAN'T SLEEP AND I'M ANGRY WHEN I DON'T GET SLEEP!.So, any suggestion would be awesome!
Angry with no Sleep
Sleep Deprived,
Chew some valerian root and get more exercise.
- Snape
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Dear Professor Snape,
I have a bit of a problem, the other day I was walking in the park and some giant yellow duck stole my purse! Just walked up to me and yanked it out of my small little hands. The next day, I saw the same bird walking in the same park with MY BAG! I don't know what do to, the bird is far bigger than me and I mean, it's a GIANT YELLOW DUCK! What can I possibly do? Help me please, I want my Coach purse back.
Coachless
Coachless,
Was it Big Bird? If so, give up. He's got a mafia. If it wasn't, may I suggest a hunting license? I hear duck is pretty rare on the Hogwart's menu.
- Snape
Have a problem that you want to ask Snape? Simply email him at missabeechan@yahoo.com with the subject “Dear Snape” and your problem will be answered. * Please note: Do not send real problems, only fake ones. We here at Paw Print are in no way qualified to help with real life problems and are very sarcastic in our responses. Thank you. Coz really, we NEED them.