BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER!
Pester Bother Annoy Ask Professor Snape Questions

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Dear Professor Snape,
Lately I've been having lots of sleeping problems. I can never fall asleep until late at night, and in the mornings I can never wake up on time. I've also been falling asleep in class a lot. Is there some sort of potion or something that you can recommend to me?

- Drowsy Wizard

Drowsy Wizard,
There is no potion that can save you now. You've fallen under the Gryffindor curse. Take pride in knowing that you'll be in detention the rest of your Hogwarts days. I'll certainly be looking forward to giving them.

- Snape

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Dear Snape,
By the time you read this letter, you'll undoubtedly have already put large quantities of your favorite hair potion onto your hair. What you don't know is that I've added a special potion of my own creation into your bottle of hair potion. The result? Let's just say that you'll be bald in a few days time. This is what you get for repeatedly insulting my appearance. Good day.

- Diabolically Vengeful

Diabolically Vengeful,
Your arrogance astounds me. After all these years do you truly think I would put any of my personal possessions where students could touch them? Considering I still have a full head of hair, I'm inclined to believe that you are lying. And those who lie get detention. Of course, you get double detention for even daring to think you had the brains to pull off such a scheme.

- Snape

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Dear Snape,
I have this really bad habit of stuffing scrawny kids from other houses into the suits of armor around the castle. I understand this is wrong, but I can't help myself. How can I change my ways?

- Remorseful Bully

Remorseful Bully,
Try stuffing them down Moaning Myrtle's toilet instead.

- Snape

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Dear Snape,
Are you a vampire? You seem to fit all the characteristics for one... You have the pale skin, the dark hair, you're a night person, you hover around us like an overgrown bat during lessons, and I could have sworn I saw you drinking blood the other day. So... is it true? Are you a vampire?

- Curious Non-Vampire

Curious Non-Vampire
I go outside in daylight, genius. Perhaps you should study your DADA better next time. Are students' brains getting smaller each year, or does the gene pool really just suck that badly?

- Snape

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Professor Snape,
Ever since I was a child, I've slept with the same stuffed bear every night. When I got to Hogwarts, my fellow roommates made fun of me for sleeping with my bear, so I pretended to get rid of it but secretly slept with it each night. I don't want to get rid of my bear, but I also don't want to be ashamed of the way I sleep. What should I do?

- Teddy Lover

Teddy Lover
Grow up.

- Snape