BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER!
Pester Bother Annoy Ask Professor Snape Questions

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Dear Snape,
My pancreas hurts. How can I fix it?
- Aya Trampoline

Trampoline,
The answer is simple and you are a moron for not coming to the correct conclusion yourself. Don't let two year olds jump on your abdomen.
- Snape

Dear Professor Snape,
I was wondering since you are dating Molly Grabau and we are already planning your wedding with her what day should we have the wedding on? We were thinking a Saturday night. Please tell us so we can send out the invitations as soon as possible. Also we are dressing Molly in green to match her eyes and we thought it would be lovely to dress you in a pink tux so that goes for the outfit.
~One of the wedding planners

Wedding Planner,
You must be confused, on crack, or just plain mental since I have no intention of ever getting married. I don't even know anyone named Molly. What is wrong with you people and your messed up imaginations? I mean really now, how can I answer any questions when you can't even be serious enough to give me real problems? Go away.
- Snape

Professor,
I heard that you spend a lot of time by yourself in dark supply cupboards. Just what exactly do you do in there all alone?
- Curious

Curious,
Obviously you are not a very bright student. What do you think a potions master does in a dark supply cupboard? The answer is quite simple: checking on my potion supplies.
- Snape

Dear Professor Snape,
I've been getting into the butterbeer a little too often lately and my professors can tell that I'm a little tipsy during class. I don't want change my butterbeer drinking habits, so can you offer me the recipe for an antidote?
- Hungover

Hungover,
Are you completely and totally stupid? A simple antidote will not help cure you. The only thing that you can do at this point is to drink more and give up on class. Obviously if you keep getting supplied with butterbeer, the teachers know about your habit and want you to quit. Quit coming to class that is.
- Snape

Dear Sevvie,
I am madly in love with you and I was wondering why you don't love me back.
- The Blushing Bride

Blushing Bride,
DETENTION WITH FILCH, WHOEVER YOU ARE.
- Snape

Professor Snape,
I saw you walk into the Three Broomsticks last night, but when I waved to you, you turned around and left the pub. Didn't you see me? I was jumping up and down and calling your name really loudly. Why didn't you wave back?
- Ignored

Ignored,
I would be ignoring you now if I wasn't obligated to respond. Idiot.
- Snape

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Have a problem that you want to ask Snape? Simply email him at missabeechan@yahoo.com with the subject Dear Snape and your problem will be answered. * Please note: Do not send real problems, only fake ones. We here at Paw Print are in no way qualified to help with real life problems and are very sarcastic in our responses. Thank you.