What is typoese you ask? Well first off, it would be most beneficial to know that typoese is neither an ancient Japanese dialect nor is it a rare tropical disease, but rather a stunningly complex yet simple language that is spoken in Gryffindor, most especially by the Gryffindor Quidditch Team.[1]*

When trying to find the origins of typoese, GQT member and Gryffindor prefect Siobhan Wood offered, “I think it was me or Cyn or Lily.” To follow up, Cynthia Stout, also a GQT member and Gryffindor prefect, confirmed, “I believe it all started at a quidditch practice one night, or at least that's how I remember it, and someone (not naming names here) couldn't manage to spell things correctly all day. So someone, I believe Sio, who is master of the word "orange" came up with the term ‘typoese.’ This spurred on a lovely group of quit messages devoted to our favorite blunders.”[2]*

The question still remains, how is typoese defined? Another GQT member and Gryffindor prefect Lily Padfoot described typoese as “a way of life.” She stated that, “Typoese is the subtle science and (not quite) exact art of understanding typos in any given situation, even when those uneducated in the art read it as nothing but gibberish.” Stout declared, “Typoese is a language that is unique to Gryffindors’ and epsectioally GQTers. It's a alnguage that is discernable by many, understood by few.”[3]*

When it comes to typoese, one cannot simply expect to jump in and know exactly what is being said; at least, not within the first five seconds.[4]* For beginners, an example of typoese from the Flobberworm game, where the GQT took on the HOL staff:

NotAToad> What color was Neville's shrinking solution when Snape yelled at him?
G-C2-Sio> lragfe

Obviously, we know that there is no such color as “iragfe” for two reasons; one, it is too hard to pronounce, and two, it is not listed on the Color Wheel. But it is an answer, so how does one figure it out? It is simple, if you know your Harry Potter trivia, then you know that Neville’s shrinking solution is orange, so obviously orange equals iragfe.[5]* However iragfe is not the only typoese counterpart to orange, as many words have many different typoese counterparts. To understand this, look at the following example of a bludger/dodge event from a recent GQT practice:

Seven> BLUDGER!!
AB-K-Missa> dodge
AB-C-Mira> difhew
AB-B-Lily> dodge
AB-C-Mira> 'sidueh
B-C-Merlinda> dodge
AB-C-Mira> doidge
AB-C-Mira> didgeio
AB-C-Mira> dodge
AB-C-Mira> gar
AB-B-Terra> dodgea
AB-B-Terra> sad
AB-K-Missa> She's back
AB-B-Lily> there we go Miralove *g*
AB-C-Mira> there

As you can see, when attempting to type dodge one can come up with multiple typoese versions. This is the situation where typoese occurs most, but it should be noted that it is not limited solely to dodging. Another example shows the typoese of the name, Percy Weasley:

Seven> Who was the Court Scribe at Harry's hearing in book 5?
AB-C-Mira> percy wessley
AB-B-Lily> oercy weasleyu
AB-B-Lily> oercy weasley
AB-C-Mira> percy weasley
AB-B-Lily> percy weasley
Seven> ANS: Mira A (Percy Weasley)
AB-B-Lily> there
* AB-K-Missa applauds

There are many different views on typoese; Wood believes that it is, “what comes out when your fingers move faster than your brain or vice versa.” Stout takes a more honorable and rhetorical approach stating, “What Gryff would go back on their word, even if it's a typed word, right? So we just keep on going, blundering ahead with our mixed up letters.”

While having its origins with the GQT, typoese has started to spread throughout Gryffindor causing many hilarious and somewhat embarrassing incidents. It is a language spoken by many, but understood by few. Stout sums it up quite nicely, “Typoese: it's what happens when we hold a grudge against backspace.”

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[1]* Also known as the GQT. GQT’ers, led by captains Missa “The Mistress” Matz and Seven “Does this dress make my butt look big” Ashitaka, are most known for stomping, being insane, and their fondness of chicken fingers with ranch.

[2]* (ex: A-C-Mira> daily p[roh=perht); see the Quit Message of Cynthia Stout.

[3]* Typoese translation of Stout’s quote: “epsectioally” means especially and “alnguage” means language.

[4]* In a study done by world renown neurologist Nellie Nervy, it takes at least six seconds for the average human brain to decipher typos, but with Butterbeer the time is cut in half to three seconds. This study has led to a rise in the sales of Butterbeer, as well as Ogden’s Old Firewhiskey, even though the latter has yet to be included in the study.

[5]* Not to be confused with a giraffe, although they can be orange in color. In an unreleated note, giraffes can moo, hiss, roar, and whistle. How neat!

Author’s Note: The author would like to state that she has shamelessly borrowed the footnote writing style from the book Good Omens written by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. No royalties, movie offers, marriage proposals, or pie has been offered to the author. This style belongs to them, as well as anyone using Chicago Manual Style for their term paper (a loophole, score!), and she is very saddened that her Iced Caramel Macchiato is all gone. That is all, good day.