I have returned once again with more tales of the trials and tribulations of our fellow students. We have an update on a previously run tale and four brand new ones.

It appears pranksters have struck again. Several upper year Gryffindors’ are complaining that some of their socks are going missing. The odd part of this is that only one sock from each pair is missing. Most notable is that even Professor Rob Black is complaining of missing socks. The only suspect seems to be Boris the sock after he was found in the 3rd year girls’ dormitory dancing with a particularly frilly purple specimen. His owner denies that Boris has any involvement but his manager has been very vocal in her complaints about his frequent fondling of her favorite pair of phantom mask socks.

It has come to this writer’s attention that our house boggart Humphrey has been seen making googly eyes at the statue of Wendelin the Weird. When she learned of this information his keeper Moiraine Lee immediately stated, "Thank god, maybe I can get some work done now." His 'wife' was also felt relieved to hear of his infatuation with someone other than herself. When questioned by an intermediary, he denied it and proclaimed his love for Ilona Littrell. He was however, seen reading bad love sonnets to the statue last night by yours truly. Make of it what you will.

Scandal! It appears Seven Ashitaka’s entire supply of Quidditch playing gear has gone missing, including his famous dresses. After threatening to disembowel the thief, he resorted to storming about the common room ranting and raving. A small group of 1st years were seen giggling over the theft and were promptly hexed for the infraction. No suspects have been found.

Someone has written the words, "Boy's are stupid, throw rocks at them." in flaming large pink script on the doorway to the boys restroom in Gryffindor Tower. So far neither the caretaker nor the house elves have been able to remove the offending letters. Several suspects have been questioned and once again the Lady Marauders have referred all questions to their lawyers. Retaliation was seen almost immediately when water balloons filled with red and gold paint were launched into all the girls dorms within hours of the words appearing. The entire house of Gryffindor was promptly given detention when one of the balloons missed and landed on our wonderful head of house.

Finally, our update. Last time I reported on a smuggling ring operated by none other than our brand new junior prefects. It appears that it was discovered thanks to the efforts of several of our schools hard working house elves. They are apparently horrified by their butter beer addicted co-elves. All three junior prefects have been handed detention scrubbing out the entire great hall and the owlery with toothbrushes and NO MAGIC. One house elf was given clothes and the rest were ordered to undergo a twelve step to cure their addiction. When this reporter snuck down to the kitchens to get the whole truth, she was fed lovely rubarb tarts and assured that none of the other elves have such embarrassing problems.