BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER!
Pester Bother Annoy Ask Professor Snape Questions

Dear Professor Snape -
One must assume that you get many stupid letters from completely idiotic teens and pre-teens, and I just wanted to let you know what a terrific job you do in setting them straight. Bet you wish every letter started off like this one did, don't you, you arrogant braggart? I fooled you didn't I? In reality, I just assume that it is your nature to be as rude and useless as possible. Your answers help no one but yourself, and you probably put down all those poor teens just to make yourself feel better. You sir, are a loser.

-Made you look

Made you look -
I must admit, you almost had me fooled for a second, but then again, I constantly receive letters starting off like yours did. I usually disregard them though, as useless wastes of my time. More so than those stupid letters I get from children. Honestly, put down students to make myself feel better? I don't think so. I do hope it boosted your ego writing that letter to me. Were you in some way hoping that it would hurt my feelings? Make me change my ways? If you did think that, then you obviously are not one for thinking. It will take much more than that to insult my intelligence. You deal with students' idiocy for some time, like I have. I am sure your perceptions will change.

-Snape

Dear Professor Snape,
Happy 2005 to you! How old does this make you, 257 or something like that? I personally would have guessed around 480 years old. You know, I hear there are potions for crow's feet, which I've noticed around your eyes in your class. You have to admit, with as dark as you keep your class it's amazing we can see anything. The fact that your crow's feet stand out in the dark is just a sign of how bad they are. I heard they're only supposed to be apparent when a person smiles. How did you get yours then?

-Miss Congeniality

Miss Congeniality,
Since my birthday does not fall in the month of January obviously my age has not changed since last year. However, I will not disclose my real age to the likes of you. Haven't you ever heard never to ask someone their age because it is rude? What kind of barn were you brought up in that you would display such horrible manners to someone who you should be looking up to. Crow's Feet are a natural part of aging. I myself believe they are distinguishable as they show the maturity that comes with age. I have a feeling though that you will have Crow's Feet before you have maturity. As you said, there are potions to help alleviate such facial blemishes, but there are also potions to cause them. Maybe I'll put that in the next final. You seem to be a very vain person so I think that would be a much better lesson than just merely poisoning you.

-Snape

Dear Snape,
They say you are what you eat, so...what exactly do *you* eat?

Wonderingly yours, Curious About Cuisine

Cuisine -
None of your business you nosey little freak.

-Snape

Dear Snape,
How did it feel to welcome the New Year in with yourself and your cauldron? Was it fun? Did you both have a hangover in the morning or did you just drink directly from the cauldron? I knew something smelled funny in class...

-Obnoxious

Obnoxious,
Those questions are just too stupid to answer. Though I would take a shower if I were you as that is where the smell is coming from.

-Snape

Dear Snape,
Why couldn't you have stayed away?

-Sad

Sad,
The question is: Why couldn't *you* have stayed away? My class would be ever so much enjoyable without your pathetic presence in it.

-Snape

Have a problem that you want to ask Snape? Simply email him at missabeechan@yahoo.com with the subject Dear Snape and your problem will be answered. * Please note: Do not send real problems, only fake ones. We here at Paw Print are in no way qualified to help with real life problems and are very sarcastic in our responses. Thank you.