BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER!
Pester Bother Annoy Ask Professor Snape Questions

Prof Snape,
Has anyone every told you that your nose looks like a jarvey bit it and forgot to let go before it stretched to enormous proportions? What happened? An engorgement charm gone wrong?

- Annoying

Annoying -
You picked the wrong name to sign your letter by. Stupid would have been a better one. My nose is not that big and you need your eyes checked if you believe that it is. Detention for being such a moron.

Snape

Dear Snape -
I hope you enjoyed your holidays, I know I did. I wasn't stuck at the castle like you teachers were. What do you do there anyways? Do none of the teachers have homes to go to? Family? Friends? You must be very sad and lonely people. Oh, dirty thought. Do you teachers spend any time together? Oooh. Who is an item? Tell, tell! I mean, you guys have got to have a life right? And if you are all together at school all the time... Ok, I'll just continue with my thoughts.

Nosey

Nosey -
You are quite possibly the weirdest child in the world. What would even possess you to think about adults being together. Your teachers no less? What a sick mind you have. I should report you to St. Mungo's because you obviously in need of some psychiatric treatment. Is this honestly what you students think about to occupy your time? And I thought Harry Potter and his obsession with being the center of attention had problems. Honestly. I would give you detention, but you might spend the time thinking such disgusting thoughts.

Snape

Dear Snape,
It is well known that you have always coveted the DADA teacher position. Is there a reason that you never get it? Are you incompetent? Does everyone feel that you would fall far too deeply in the dark arts and become evil? Hmmm? Well, tell, tell!

Curious.

Curious,
Butt out. Go put your nose somewhere where it belongs. Perhaps the toilet.

Snape

Dear Snape,
I was wondering where you get your robes. They are so swishy. I want swishy clothes! I want to walk down the halls with my robes swishing behind me as I glide down the halls. Sooo billowy. *sniggleplurfs*

Signed
Billowy Pertifulness

Robe Snatcher -
You have got to be a Gryffindor. They are the only ones who make up completely useless words that make no sense. Next. My robes do NOT billow. Nor are they swishy. They lay flat and behave exactly as they are supposed to. And you have detention for saying I, "glide" down the halls. It's called walking. I suggest you learn how to do that instead of stumbling around like an oaf.

Snape.

prof snape
i wuz wondering if u could tell me how 2 do the next assgn 4 class?!?!?! i didnt get it at all!!!!!how come u alwyz give 0 on all my stuff????u're not v. nice when u do that!!!!!hlp me plz!!!!

spammer!!!!!!!!

Spammer -
I did not even attempt to read what you wrote. It is not my job to decipher bad grammar and spelling. I'm sending you a dictionary. Use it well. You'll be in detention until you learn how to read and write.

Snape.

Dear Professor Snape,
How is it, that a excellently talented man like yourself, whom everybody should set as an example for themselves, happens to be under appreciated? I'm fascinated by your immense knowledge of the Dark Arts and Potion mastery and think it is totally ridiculous that the Minister of Magic doesn't offer the position of headmaster of your own school!

Your's sincerely,
Snape is Great!

He Who Is Almost Smart,
I am assuming you are a he, given the fact that your letter is definitely non-gender specific. Secondly, I commend you for knowing how to spell 'ridiculous'. That takes pure wit and genius. Not a Gryffindor I gather. As to your comments about me becoming a headmaster of my own school I must say, I would never dream of it. Sure, I could make the lives of miserable little peons like you even worse, but the migraine your incessant nagging would give me would just be too great a burden. I have no care for your pathetic every day lives and I never would. Now if you would so kindly remove your nose from my butt I would appreciate it.

Snape

Have a problem that you want to ask Snape? Simply email him at missa@gundamwing.net with the subject Dear Snape and your problem will be answered. * Please note: Do not send real problems, only fake ones. We here at Paw Print are in no way qualified to help with real life problems and are very sarcastic in our responses. Thank you.