Dear Snape,
I am writing to offer my condolences. I heard that you caught a cold. Poor thing. Sleeping on the dungeon floors like a niandrathal will do that though. Perhaps you should step out into the 21st century with the rest of us. Did you hear that there are such things as showers now? Yes, there are. You can use them to clean your hair so that it does not look so oily. Also we have things called beds. These are comfortable things that do not let in coldness as much as sleeping on a dungeon floor will.

Sincerely,
Concerned.

Concerned,
I do not need your condolences. It was nothing more than a small cold, that has little to no effect on me. And no. I did not get my cold from sleeping on the dungeon floor. I know very well what a bed is, and I always sleep in mine. If you must know, I caught this cold chasing students who were out of bed when they shouldn't have been. But I caught them. And concerning my hair, this is all natural, and I like it this way you annoying git.

Snape

Dear Snape,
I was wondering if you could help me with my Transfiguration homework. Isn't that the class that you want to teach? oh wait..never mind, sorry, that's DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS!!
ha..
so will you help me?

Yours Oily,
Desperately confused and really needs help with Transfiguration

Person with long name,
I will not help you with your Transfiguration. You should be smart and go to the proper teacher or put a dunce cap on your head and go to Hermione Granger. She seems to give the answers to everyone. I have often had to take points because she does this during class. And for your information, it is merely a rumor that I want the Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Pure rumor. I am the finest potions brewer in Hogwarts, why would I want another class?

Snape

Dear Prof. Snape,
Two days ago, I ran into someone I haven't seen in years and I was quite suprised at the differences that time made with that person. See, I am Muggle born so my friend is of course, Muggle and knows nothing about Wizarding. It was such a trial to not let anything out about my life. Do you believe there is any way that I can still remain friends with this person? Without telling them about my being a witch that is...

Sincerely,
Wacky Witch

Miss Wacky Witch,
Why do they call you Wacky Witch? Is it because you are truly crazy or something else? Considering you are "wacky" I am curious as to whether you actually saw this friend again or if it was a figment of your obviously overactive imagination. Are you in my class? Third row back, with the pink cauldron with purple spots? I remember the day you turned your cauldron that color. You messed up on a strength enhancing potion. I also remember that lovely detention you served, did you enjoy sweeping up all the dirt outside near the lake? How long were you at that anyway? 4 days? It took you long enough to realize that it was an impossible task.

Why are you bothering me with this menial problem anyway? I have more important things to do than help a mindless student like yourself figure out what to do about your imaginary friend. Or is it an imaginary friend. Hmmm... did you possibly mess up the beetle bug potion and now you are seeing things...

Detention for asking me such rediculous questions.

Snape

Have a problem that you want to ask Snape? Simply email him at missa@gundamwing.net with the subject Dear Snape and your problem will be answered. * Please note: Do not send real problems, only fake ones. We here at Paw Print are in no way qualified to help with real life problems and are very sarcastic in our responses. Thank you.