After countless small skirmishes around the grounds of HOL, the squirrels have finally decided that the Seagull Mafia Don must leave HOL in exile. The Don, after stating in very loud squawks that the Squirrels had no right to force his exile, gathered his troops of birds into their base at the Whomping Willow. After careful planning, the Squirrels called in reinforcements from all over the world even though the Ducks opposed their decision. There are many protesters littering the grounds of HOL over this little fight, but there are also supporters.

The squirrels most trusted ally, The Flying Squirrels came right away. They were later joined by the ferrets and the gophers. To understand the enormity of this situation one must understand the conflict that brought it about. For that purpose we will be giving a brief recap of the events that have taken place to cause this “conflict of interest”.

The Seagull Mafia is known for its harsh treatment of its own kind as well as many other birds. Here at HOL, they are often seen terrorizing the student population. They peck at the students’ heads, they steal their food, and last week they pooped all over the quidditch pitch. The squirrels, in retaliation, ripped the leaves off the trees so that the Seagulls would not be able to nest there. This did not stop the seagulls however, it only angered them further. They called in their head honcho, Big Bird and in turn he called up the blue jays, his canary relatives and the swallows. We have reports that Flamingo’s, Ostriches and many other species of birds were headed this way (though luckily stopped). They terrorized all the non-bird animals and also the students. After countless weeks of this oppression the squirrels decided that it was time to fight back.

The Seagull mafia is not known for its planning or intelligence, so the Squirrels had little trouble ousting the Don of the Seagull Mafia. First they planted Alkaseltzer at strategic points around the HOL campus. Such places as, trash cans, beside pieces of uneaten food and under rooftops were targeting. This move alone killed half of the Seagull Mafia. Then in shocking style, the Flying Squirrels dropped dozens of dozens of bombs onto the Mafia in their sleep. We have learned that these bombs were actually acorns.

We do not know the situation of the Seagull Mafia right now, but we can only assume that they are close to defeat.