Dear Professor Snape,
I have a fashion question for you. For months now, I have been trying to pick a dress to wear, with the proper accessories, but to no avail. I've asked people in my dorms for help too, but they've given me so many wonderful ideas that I just can't decide! The deep red dress with the golden sequins, with the platform red sandals, or the rich blue velvet dress with the white closed toe heels. Help!

- Emerson Nidigth

Dear Weirdo,
Given your name, I am assuming you are a male. And that is utterly scary. Judging by your question, I would guess that you are a theater person, I dare not say the true word I am looking for. I am not going to even fathom why any male would want to dress as a girl, and I am disregarding your question and shall go engross myself in Wizarding Bunnies are Hot.

- Snape


Dear Snape,
It is well known that you have always coveted the DADA teacher position. Is there a reason that you never get it? Are you incompetent? Does everyone feel that you would fall far too deeply in the dark arts and become evil? Hmmm? Well, tell, tell!

- Curious.

Curious,
Butt out. Go put your nose somewhere where it belongs. Perhaps the toilet.

- Snape


Dear Professor Snape,
I do believe that one time you told me that a Kappa was found in Mongolia. I just wanted to write you a letter telling you that you were quite wrong. The Kappa is actually found in Japan.

- Studious

Studious,
I was merely testing you. Obviously you have your nose stuck so far into a book that you never see the light of day. I am surprised you pulled your nose out of your book to write that brief letter. Truly, you are in need of some time away from you books. So you will be spending a nice Saturday evening down in the potions dungeon, scrubbing out each person's cauldron without magic. Actually, you only get soapy water. No muggle cleaning agents. Have a good day.

- Snape.


Dear Professor Snape,
I am having issues with your class and a certain someone who sits behind me. She completely distracts me and that’s why I am failing. Can you help me please?

- concerned potions student

Dear Student,
Oh please. You honestly expect me to believe a lie like that? What, you actually think you're capable of passing my class? What a laugh. You barely have enough brain cells to breathe. Coming up with an excuse to make yourself look better? How low can you get? Boring. Detention for being a horrible student.

- Snape


Have a problem that you want to ask Snape? Simply email him at missa@gundamwing.net with the subject Dear Snape and your problem will be answered. * Please note: Do not send real problems, only fake ones. We here at Paw Print are in no way qualified to help with real life problems and are very sarcastic in our responses. Thank you.