Kitty: Today we bring you many things.

Missa: We have seen many people ask why our Gossip section is always full.

Kiki: Well that one is obvious.

Kitty: It's because it's the best part of writing.

Missa: Also, because it's the only section that seems to get its work done. On time at least.

Kitty: The reason that happens is:

Missa: BECAUSE WE RULE! (Oh and because the paper's editor and her sis do most of it. And Kiki is amazing and gets her stuff in months in advance.)

Kitty: But that is not what we wanted to bring to you today.

Kiki: It wasn't?

Kitty: Nope.

Missa: Today we bring to you... Behind the Scenes, the New and Improved Sorting Hat!

Kiki: Oh God.

Missa: *pulls in a huge box full of hats* Ok, let's see hat we got here... A cowboy hat, a beret, a boater, a baseball cap, sombrero, blue flowered bonnet, dunce cap, a hard hat, and Robin Hood's cap. *looks at the box* That's the best you could come up with?! You cheap piece of junk!

Kitty: Uhm, how do we decide which hat to choose?

Emerson: Easy, we listen to it's song. If we like it, we pick the hat and give it a make-over.

Kitty: ...Ooh kay. *picks up the baseball cap and sets it on a stool* Sing for me!

Kitty: *busy taking the baseball cap's mouth shut* Ok, what's next?

Emerson: *takes a deep breath and put the hard hat on the stool*

Hard Hat: Macho macho man! I wanna be a macho man! He AIEEEE!!

Emerson: *beating the hat with a sledge hammer* Geeze how butch can you get?! I mean, it'd be one thing if that hat was singing it right. His voice was too deep.

Kiki: *puts the cowboy hat on the stool* I know I'll hate this.

Cowboy hat: I lost my wife, I lost my truck, I lost my cow I lost HOT HOT HOT!!!!! OW!!!

Kiki: *Busy with her flame-thrower* What was the Mr. Hat? I can't HEAR you!

Missa: *grabs the dunce cap and puts it on the stool*

Missa: *grinning* Whoa, sounds like half the people on Earth. Morons. But... not to be. So sad really. *grabs the dunce cap and sets it on Kitty's head.* Merry Christmas sis.

Kitty: *grumbling while wearing the dunce cap, grabs the next cap, the blue flowered bonnet* I know a lot about this bonnet. Dumbledore wore it. *looks closely at the bonnet* I don't think we'll get anyone else to put it on though...

Emerson: *grabs the bonnet* Too bad it's not pink. Then it'd be perfect! *puts the bonnet on*

Missa: Yeah... *grabs Robin Hood's hat and sets it on the stool*

Missa, Kitty and Emerson: Ooooh. Sing along! Sing along! *all singing* We men! Many men! We're men in tights! We rob from the rich and give to the poor! That's right!

Robin Hood's hat: We may look like pansies, but watch what you say or else we'll put out your lights!

Missa: This one wins. Coz I says so.

Kitty: *nods* Now let's go watch Robin Hood Men in Tights.

Emerson: I want some tights!!!