Signed,
Disgusted

Disgusted -
Do you honestly think that I care? I do answer the students’ questions, if you actually read the entire thing. I am not doing this to be nice or to hold any person's hand. I don't even want to do this. However, this Teacher School Service thing that Dumbledore thought of is the reason, and the only reason that I am forced to do this. Do I think about repurcussions? No. If the student is not bright enough to understand sarcasm, then they should just keep their mouths shut. Do I care about my image? I think not. If I spent my time doing that then I would be no better off than all the losers that send in their pathetic complaints. As for you, do you feel that asking such ridiculous questions was beneficial in any way? If you do, then you, like most other people have serious problems. If you did it just to make yourself feel better, then kudos to you and enjoy your wonderful detention.

Snape

Prof. Snape

prof snape
i wuz wondering if u could tell me how 2 do the next assgn 4 class?!?!?! i didnt get it at all!!!!!how come u alwyz give 0 on all my stuff????u're not v. nice when u do that!!!!!hlp me plz!!!!

spammer!!!!!!!!

Spammer -
I did not even attempt to read what you wrote. It is not my job to decipher bad grammar and spelling. I'm sending you a dictionary. Use it well. You'll be in detention until you learn how to read and write.

Snape.

Dear Professor Snape,
I'm having boy problems. There's this guy in our potions class that is just so yummy! Every time I head him talk, his voice seems to melt me, making me all warm and squishy inside. The thing is, he's kinda older than me. And I don't think he notices me. The other day, I purposely spilled a potion on him to get his attention but it didn't work so well. Do you have any ideas on what I should do?

Inluff

PS: You didn't have to yell at me during class! Couldn't you see I was trying to make my move?

Dear Inluff -
Do you not understand what a restraining order is? How many times must I tell you? Go away. I may have to teach you, but I do not have to acknowledge your pathetic interest. While I know that I am wonderful and hot, I also know that I am saving myself for someone who is NOT YOU! Never again write to me, or try to touch me, or come near me at all. I'm not interested and it will violate that restraining order I have against you. You will not get detention, unless it is far far away from me.

Snape.

Dear Professor Snape,

I am being teased a considerable amount and no matter what I do, I cannot seem to make these people realize that they are no better than me. I do nothing that instigates this teasing, and yet I am the constant butt of so many jokes! It's not my fault they aren't smart enough to answer questions when asked in class. They pick on me, pull my hair and are just really, really rude to me. What should I do to make them stop.

Bewildered

Dear Bewildered,

Your problem and solution are obvious. Stop being such a stuck-up show off. The problem is, you think you're better than everyone else. Don't deny it. I've seen your raise your hand so fast in class that you don't give others a chance to even attempt to answer the question. Glory hog. These people are better than you. They realize your problem and are trying to get you to stop. It's your own incompetence that is not allowing you to see that for yourself. Get yourself out of your aura of, "I'm the victim." You're only the victim because it draws more attention to your already inflated ego and the amount of your conceit. And stop raising your hand in my class! I could care less what you know. Help the others instead of bugging me. I could use the break.

Snape

Have a problem that you want to ask Snape? Simply email him at PawPrintGossip@hotmail.com with the subject Dear Snape and your problem will be answered.

* Please note: Do not send real problems, only fake ones. We here at Paw Print are in no way qualified to help with real life problems and are very sarcastic in our responses. Thank you.